When the Sun Sets
by Fiery Dragon Windsong
Summary: When a flower blooms it looks so pretty. Yet when it dies it looks so frail. Why is this? Isn't it the same exact flower? Studies the aspects of relationships through the marauders and follows the life of the secret girl that framed them.
1. Chapter 1

**The graveyard:**

I watched you sleep. I watched you sleep so uneasily and so nervously as if waiting for someone to attack you. Every now and then you would mutter something under your breath. Every now and then you would sit up screaming, panting heavily but I would just watch you fall back to your pillow and sleep once again. It became a ritual and in the first days when you would wake up, I would hold you and cradle you until you fell asleep once again. It got to the point where I slept through it on good nights.

On those bad nights though; on those nights where I could not stand to hear you scream I would get up and leave. It was all I could do because holding you could never make your pain go away. I thought by letting you be to your screaming that eventually you would be okay. Even innocence has its demons I guess.

I remember sitting up in bed and crying because there was nothing I could do to save you from your fits. I would sob silently and then go downstairs and sit in the chair and cry myself to sleep where you would find me the next day. My eyes would be red and you would know I had been crying but you never would ask; I think you knew I felt hopeless. In the midst of being unable to help you, you would pick me up into your arms and cradle me and I would fall asleep against your chest.

I can't believe you could pick me up actually. You were so frail and weak yourself; how you had managed I do not know. Still you would hold me and stroke my hair and rub my back; sometimes just hold me tightly to your chest. I would listen to the rhythmic beat of your heart like a melodious tune and I remember closing my eyes and waking up with you smiling at me. You never asked; I'm glad you didn't.

You see I loved you. I really truly did and if I had to tell you that it hurt me to hear you scream, I would feel empty. I felt empty then, just as I do now in your absence. I didn't want to hurt you; I didn't want you to know I felt as though there was nothing I could ever do to help you.

I think you secretly knew and never told me. How is it you always had the upper hand when it came to you and I? I don't know and I never will; I suppose I can say the same for our love but waking up in your arms was like chocolate. I know is that much; waking up in your arms is like chocolate.

But now you're gone Sirius and where did you leave me? In the arms of myself and I feel guilty for leaving Harry and Remus but only because you made me feel that way. I cry myself to sleep and I go and sit in the chair down in the living room but in the morning I am not in your arms. Waking up in your arms was like chocolate, but it isn't like that anymore.

Scarcely can I find the words to tell Remus and Albus where I am; you knew and thank you for not telling. If I come back to them will anything be any better? Have they forgotten about me? I told you in our last hours together that I didn't want you to speak a word of me to Harry. I know Remus has been looking for me and I can bet my soul he knew that you knew of my whereabouts. Remus is smart; it's only a matter of time before he finds me and when he does I'll be waiting. I'll be ready for the cold stare he reserved for his friends and the cold shoulder that will follow. I guess if I prepare for it now it won't hurt so much then. I still remember how our love was like chocolate and that will be enough to get me through. Sirius our love was like chocolate.


	2. Chapter 2

2:

The first time I saw you I cried because I knew I would have to let you go one day. You were persistent in winning my love and I was persistent in avoiding you but we all meet in due time and when we were alone I went crazy. I wanted you and you wanted me it was something in the air. I was you and you were me and we were one and we were two different souls at the same time.

When we first kissed I remember wanting to cry because I was so scared. No man had ever loved me just as much as you did and I didn't want you to leave. You were so more experienced then I but I guess that was a good thing because the best times together was when I was learning. You were so gentle and calm I loved you with my heart and soul.

You were beautiful when I first saw you I thought you were an angel sent to me to protect me from my lord. Little did I know we would be saving each other from the pain and anguish our pasts had to offer. My feelings were resurfaced when you walked through the door twelve years later.

You still walked the same as you had before, only you were less stable and confident; your eyes still conveyed the emotion they had originally conveyed to me so many years ago. I had thought I had forgotten about you; I thought I had stopped loving you but I guess you are my addiction Sirius.

I stepped towards you as if giving you the go ahead to come closer to me. Strangers in a familiar world we were and you stepped near to me until we were a breath apart. You smelled of a musty attic and it made me wonder where you had gone on your journey to me. I knew in your eyes that you had escaped for Harry and not me and I knew so much just in your eyes as I used to be able to do. I used to be the best at reading the minds of others but recently I had lost it. When you kissed me I felt at home and I felt back where I belonged; in the arms of a lover. In the arms of the one who had taught me and cared for me.

I don't even remember speaking a word and I think I had forgotten your voice until you pulled back from my wondering hands and smiled at me. You said three simple words to me, three simple words that made me think.

"I love you," you said cradling my face in your hands. You leaned in to kiss me and out of instinct I stepped away.

"Sirius, go take a shower." You just stared at me. Slowly your mischievous smile crossed your worn but beautiful face.

"Do I smell that bad?" As you spoke to me I closed my eyes as a flood of euphoria came to me. I loved that voice, as I loved you too.

"Yes you do," I placed my hand on your chest and kissed you.

"Would you like to join me Kate?"

"No. You'll become to distracted I'm afraid. Now go take a shower and I'll make you something to eat and maybe then if your still in the shower will I join you."

"So are you telling me to take my time?" He said

"I'm telling you to take a shower now go. And don't tell me you forgot where the shower is and you need me to show you."

You smiled at me again, "You've got me pegged Kate." And you left for the shower.

I made you dinner; some pasta because it was your favorite and you still hadn't come to meet me so I kept my promise. I walked into the bathroom and shut the door; I knew you had heard me. I slipped out of my clothes and stepped into the walk in shower.

"I knew you would see it my way Kate." And we kissed; and we made love. I had forgotten what it was like with you and you had reminded me so intensely and with such passion. I cried because I knew in my heart I would only have to let you go once more when the time came. And this time it would be even harder.


End file.
